Lost British in Ulu kelang Pt2

Finally reaching my destination. This is not the first time i feel happy this year. It can be counted by fingers and blessed with it. Nothing more to wish. Feel good feel bad. That is the whole transaction of life.

Justice just begun, karma is return and moving forward. Its almost two year now, nothing much i can expect. Living the way it should be. Some of my friends had found their love back..few of them starting to be like me. In the sense of how i deal with everything in my life.
Nothing much to impress la..
ordinary things. Been doing that all the while pun.

Its end of the year dah. Keeping this feeling alive. Nobody knows what exactly will happen the next minute, hour, day..or year..We can plan everything but somehow or rather it its up to god's will. No judgement toward His Almighthy . I do accept, bllesed and tahnakful. For every cheer and pain. Each and everything that comes accros teach me a good lesson of life. Slowly i am trying to be the Greatest Man,husband, dad, GrandDad..and so so...

...to be cont..

(monologue)

But I'd rather be here than be anywhere

Is there anywhere better than here

You know these feelings I've found they are oh so rare

Is there anywhere better than here

Last British Bachelor in Ulu Klang - Part 1

“Waking up is hard to do,
Sleeping seems to be impossible...”

Listening to my tired breathing, looking at the ceiling and imagining what will happen today. Will I be fine, will I be better or will it become another pathetic day like last week. The shadow is still live around me. And I am still hiding from all the happiness that might come. The door is still closed and wonders who will come knocking.
Phone rings.

“bro ko mane? Dah bangun belum? Aku nak gerak dah nie”.

“ohh, aku baru wake up. Boleh wait sekejap, aku nak take bath and then aku jumpa kat sana. Nanti I give you a call bila aku dah nak reach there”

“ahh, lembab…dasar pelat kau tue, nak muntah..dah laa wei…sedar skit oitt. Dah, get ready soon, Freak”.

I wish I can fix my words. To be more decent and can be accepted and not annoyed of it. But nevertheless, why should I care much. As long as I can speak and understand, it would not be any problem. Life seems to be unfair at certain points. Looking back at my past, I guess my karma just arrived and waiting to vanish. Hopefully in this short time. I tired of this. It goes on and on and keep spinning around.

I rushed to take my bath. Looking sharply at the mirror and whispering to myself,

“today is the day. Today I will smile, laugh and happy”.

So pathetic of me. Well who cares. Nobody. So why worry.

Put on my classic attire; pop art graphic shirt and jeans. Get into my car and plug in my Ipod. Browsing through my favorite songs. Driving my car give me another chance to think again that the past shadow is still haunting me and what can I do to keep moving.

To ease that misery, I imagine of being member of a superb band member. The music that will be play is tunes from, Modjo, Bob Sinclair, Tiesto if possible. Going to make it like a rave party band. Being extraordinary and it should be accepted in Malaysia. In Germany, France and London many of these kind of band playing at huge party.

----sambung---

Selama Apa segala Cerita

Wow...after awhile i realized that dah lama tak add some post to my own blog...Like always...my blog is like a journal of everything, perhaps most of memories, tragedies and miracles will be told here. Let me begging with my fasting, my raya, my mom and current situation.

My fasting...hMm..nothing much la..ada plan nak buke puasa dgn all member tak jadi..dah lama that time busy with Tesco Seberang Jaya punya launching dengan duit gaji dah habis. Macam macam nak beli. Dah nak raya plak that time kan. Baju raya plak tempah..kasut plak nak beli baru..and maybe next year punya raya baru tukar butang baju melayu baru la.Wearing the history seems to be wasted la. Nak cari sendiri punya tapi tak jumpa yg cun. maybe next year ada rezeki jumpa butang baju melayu baru ke...

Dapat je gaji that day...malam tu jugak terus beli kasut idaman aku..hahaha....kerana syg sgt kat kasut tue..ade benda yg jadi beberapa minggu selepas itu.. jap lagi aku citer...so that nite jugak dah packing barang..lengkap nak balik ke Kampung ku..tapak jajahan dulu kala. Flight kul 7.55 pagi. So semua dah ready..Aku tdo kejap je then terus gerak gi KL sentral ambik bus. Bersahur di airport ..dalam hati ish tak sabar nak mkn mee kolok nie....baru kul 8 dah perut berbunyi..lantaq la...

Sampai je kat airport Kuching, senyum besar aku..besh rasanya eh...lamak sik balit kampung beraya..NAsib juak dapat balit raya awal.So aku terus ke hotel...ptg skit pergi pasar nak beli lauk for berbuke.Ternampak la suatu benda bernama makanan yang aku ske. Benda itu bernama "terkoyong"..ala2 siput tapi siput ni selalu kat pokok apong..pokok apong tu dlm bahsa melayu yang general aku pun tak tau. Nak kate siput nie ada kat sarawak je..tak mungkin...kalau ada pun di semanjung, tak ramai yang reti makan. mungkin geli pun ada..tapi bagi aku, dah mkn sure nak lagi..

Tiba mase berbuka.tangan aku terus menjamah siput yang telah dimasak dgn kicap tadi. Gian punya pasal..2 mangkuk besar aku balun....The next day...terkena food poisoining. Giler punya mkn sampai tak ingat. Merana gak la....hari2 terakhir puase jadi tak puasa. 2 mlm sebelum raya, lepak dekat satu area diaman dulu hanyalah kampung..tapi sekarang sudah semkain cantik dan masih kekal dengan ciri kampung nya. Layan gak lepak kat sana. I wish i have the camera with me...take pictures to show...how my hometown dah bertukar but still maintain the heritage.and the best thing, the food still maintain nyaman laaa...

Before raya, mlm lepak with all friends, main laser gun kat batu tiga...then lepak dekat mCd..bersama anggota hujan. Bergelak senda...Noh is really a funny guy la..nak pelawak la....tapi ya lah..di mana gadis itu..???

tiba masa raya, kakak dan abg ipar pun dah sampai..the cakes..cookies..the ffod...semua la best...memang best. the people semua kacak bergaya. Sik dapat di lawan puteri santubong la...hihihi..kalah puteri gunung ledang..mun di embak berlawan miss universe....hmm boh jak lah .. Kepala pun takde nak pening fikir benda yyang tak mungkin jadi ke apa ke...really enjoy my raya back there...

tapi bila dah tiba satu hari nie...all memories..all hope come into my head..tapi apa nak buat..pun tak jadi jugak..tapi itu semua apa yang kita fikir...cerita sebenar bay tuhan saja yang tahu...apa lu kecoh dan buat andaian...ilek laa...u have you own life...go think about it...

So ada la twisted love tales terjadi..tapi ya la...kita sik tau apa nak jadi kelak nak..embak ilek ajak laa...

I have a game that very commited with.So comfortable with it.Even thou life love suck..tapi entah....susah juak i nak padah mcm mana...ego dan abd history la......so hope semua okay.....


Daaa..aku dah takde mood tiba2.....aku ske tgk kawan aku...just imagine their wedding day..life as husband and wife....sure besh..coz semua senang...aku rase die org takde issues...like i was in before..but well shit happen...fuck fuck fuck fuck.................

Fuel Up...Sponsorship...Down kot!

Hye there, for some of you that might come across this blog. Today is my second day of my work.It seems that everything is running as what i aspected and now still learning of few stuff. Dah banyak benda kita dengar from here and there la about the increased price of fuel. Well, to name a few event the street demo as well as some opposition party put up banners and bunting asking the favor for the rulling government to lower down the price with subsidies. Well, we have heard enough of the burden from the government losing money from it. With so called huge investments being made through the north, south and also east region, we may also think its a waste to most of us.

As what been the big issues currently, news about the government cutting their cost of organizing such huge event such as 'rumah terbuka', fairwell dinner or meetings la pa benda lgi la kan. I can consider it as a tiny step towards making a good government. Its a few % of the MESRA RAKYAT la kan. So whats next..cut cost travelling la, buying gift visitors la..okay okay..good idea to pak!..tapi...A huge tapi..KAMI NIE DAPAT APA...so you guys should be better in the sense of giving back to the malaysians la kan..i hope to hear a very good plans from u guys..like what u guys did for the economic corridor ....

Aku terfikir gak...kalau dah mcm nie...nanti bdk bdk universiti yg nak buat event sure susah nak dpt sponsorship..harga minyak la nie..hihi plus cut cost lagi..nanti brapa plak harga sorang kena bayar for dinner ke..ape ke..aduh aduh!!

lepas tue, sure nak buat baju jadi isu..plus mahal some more..hih..student plak nak budget..duit mkn lagi, rokok, assignment..jln2, upgrade pc ke..hihih..all the best for you guys..

aku nie takde kerja..baru habis training tadi..so melepak dulu..kerja takde!!

salam..

azreel feiza

garu sendir terasa, garu org lain pun ada rasa!

NyalaAn JelAs yang tiDak nyaTa

Minggu nie aku takde benDa sgt nak buat. Tapi at least aku rasa terhibur gak. PerGi tgK wayang, melePak, tenGok sarkas entah apa benDa giler bosAn. hihihi. At times, i do hang out alone..and what makes me feel so alone lagi is watching couple walking..bla bla holding hands bla bla..head on the shoulder..tapi kat bibir ku senyum la..happy gak tengok dier org. Most of my friends that end their recent relationship around my time dah ada cinta sekarang. One of them dah sgt sgt haPpy and i'm happy for him.. Takde chance nak jumpa mereka lagi. 

yang lain tengah keliru. Ada yang masih mencari ways to begin a date and ada yang keliru memilih yang mana satu. Bagi aku Aku keliru dan juga menyerah kalah kot. Biarlah aku nie jadi medan bercerita dan juga minta tips ke apa ke. Janji member haPpy. Masa depan aku pun aku tak tau lagi. Mereka nie senang lah nak ada cinta. Duit senang daPat. Ada yang kerja. Aku nak kerja pun tak tau lagi kat mana. So maybe itulah yang buat aku pun give up. Walau aku ada dengar lah sana situ minat ape ke la..APAKAH bagi ku. kerana aku masih mencuba sehingga aku sepenuh menyerah diri.

Ada yang kata apa potensi aku..well like i told them.potensi pergh tipis mampus sial..so aku pun maintain je. Kalau ada rezeki ada kalau takde "walk out the door and say good bye sweetheart". hahaha. So who's next? Nahhh..susah nak kate siapa next..bleh jadi dia, siapa, kamu,sana, situ..watever freak.

minggu nie pun banyak event, gig dan juga free shows...Tapi kena maintain duit..BATMAN is coming..kena tengok...arghh baby akhirnya..hahah..owh yeah, last time i hang out with groups of friends la kan. Bleh plak dier kate dierorg sangka aku GAY..Terkejut beruk la aku nie nok..hahaha..fikiran pendek betul member aku nie..

Aku rasa dapat gaji kalau kerja nanti aku nak beli camera la. Putus hidup aku takde camera nie. Bleh snap situ sana sinun merate rate...hahaha...

I WISH I WAS HIM...

congratulation....Goodbye sweetheart!!

Try and by Accidentally Become One

Its a long holiday for me while waiting for a great chances and hope in the Young Lecturer Program. Maybe I should start looking for part time job. Buth then again, which kind and hwre about is the main questions in my head. I have sent my resume to 3 companies so far and still waiting for any answers from them. 

I writing tonight because I'm interested with Obama's words in his book and it goes something like this "We eventually work hard to the expectation of our father or to our own , and to me it goes both" Lebih kurang la.. Baca kat MPH je..Tak beli..tak cukup RM 25..F*&K..Anyway i think somehow its true. What he mean was most of us living and achieving something for the sack of our parents and also ourself. But few get rewarded. I'm not saying this because i'm dissapointed but i feel like somethinng should be done to eventually help to keep up the smiles, appreciate life more and be pround of what i have done. hahaha..I'm starting to talk crap again. But hye..its true dude, look and see for urself..your own's life. Is somebody say well done, good job, or there goes the new future CEO..bla bla..hahaha..

Well thats it about that. Now I'm talking about the Prince Charming and the Princess / Angel stuff. How many of you found that kind. I believe its a bit rare as the mater of fact seldom. We bum to someone and melted by his or her smile, eyes or the shape of her breast and the legs. hahaha..Kan? The more time both spent, the more you feel intimate. More stuff about each other dah bleh tahu. Fell in love with the voice, the jokes, the 'blurriness' of someone make you lagi jatuh cinta. Its a situation of give and take plus its ur choice too. Like you flip a coin and which side are you.

Paying more attention on life is what i do rite now. As i said its a decision i have to make.  what i want to do is, Someone to love, something to look forward and somebody to admire me!

Salam.

Azreel

PenjenayaH deGupan jaNtung yang berGelar Scott.

LOVE ACTUALLY.. INDEED~~

Damn, have any of you guys tengok 'Love Actually" 2003 punya movie. So freaking awesome dude. I cried watching that movie..OMG, reel..be strong laa..hahaha..Wateverla kan. Tapi serious that movie should be watch. Lucky me i simpan dalam PC..so rasa mcm emo semacam rasanya akan tengok la. Its a great great love comedy. 

Titanic, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook are some of my favorite love movie. Emotionally effected by the scripts, the screen play and also the lovely moments. Sometimes the tragic incidents and unexpected events. Thats the colours of love, some are bright colours and sometimes a bit dark. Comes the spices and authentic emotional discovery. The strengthen the fire and glory of love. 

I'm falling in love with Love Actually...arghh...geram..best la citer nie...arghh....Jap,,(bila la aku nak study)...okay la..living with the side effect...roger out!!

Sidekick LX

Canteq...

Its major move right here baby..i mean it. (for ur happiness)

Azreel Feiza Zahari

Kenapa Dengan Aku

Aduhaiiii..kenapa la susah sangat aku nak study. Nak kate confiden..takde makne punya..Rasa malas nak mampus. Tapi rajin plak ber manipulasi dengan agen gembira aku..photoshop. Mase tengah tension tadi..pi la baca mengenai mujahideen brigade dan aku teruja mengenai perjuangan saudara di Amerika dan juga di Britain. Tak kira plak yang di tanah Islam sendiri . Jadi aku ada design satu art buat saudara dan juga diri aku sendiri..hihih..wateverla kan....

So lepas lepak mkn and bersembang bersama rakan. Aku balik konon nak study tapi..huh, photoshop.

so ni kerja terbaru aku....esok lusa tak bleh la nak berdeisgn sgt..Finals siot!!!!

ini photo manipulasi aku yg pertama!!!

sekian,

There's only so much I can do I love you and did all that I could

azreel feiza

The Side Effect keep On Going...

Bismillahhirahmanirahim,

I just cant understand what i'm feeling right now. Kepala asyik pening je. At times rase nak pengsang. Makan semua dah, minum pun sudah. Tapi masih lagi mcm mabuk2. Freak me out dude..dah la finals nak dekat. Trauma plak jadinya. Tengah hari tadi my parents and sister and Bro in law dtg. Lepak mkn kat Sek 10. Pastu balik study. Study la sgt kan. Dok melepak sambil menjamu selera dengan ice cream di dataran UiTM.

 Tengah fikir, after finals nak buat apa. Plan pertama Kuching (Rain Forest Music Fest), Kedua, Perhentian, Ketiga, Lepak kat Melaka. Tapi member takde plak. So maybe Perhentian aku pergi solo je. Like the old days la. Neutralize the crowded emotional breakdown in my mind.

I gotta keep my head straight up. Although i cant take this madness, i try to keep this feelings alive in my own personal feelings. My hearts and my mind keep on thinking those recents cheers and smiles. Then what is certain, the situation dah lain. Now i can see it clearly, as what spoken to me. Next thing i know, i'm still have that same feelings jugak. So i cant do anything. I stay in love with you.

Its over now, i know..but i keep on hanging on. Be my own dreams and fantasies. I don't who i gonna fall next. Not that too recent perhaps. Tapi relax la. I'm happy for you girl. Thats good you find ur happiness among ur friends.

I'm living with the side effect. Maybe thats one of the cause that makes me selalu pening and rasa nak pitam. Minta Allah jauh dari segala sensara dan sakit. I'm still taking my medicine. Dont worry. I know how to keep myself at the normal rate of evaluation on health. Keep on saying apologies, call it pathetic, but its true. I'm sorry.

I cant keep crying for the rest of my life. But i still living with the side effect. The mistakes and the challenges in getting you back. But its okay. I should be understand you by now, Perhaps i should be understanding bout the whole situation jugak.

I wish i have my own doctor...back!

Still bruised, still walk on eggshells

Azreel Feiza Zahari

Shame Face

Saturday like today is like normal day. Bangun at 1.30pm...Makan burger, layan lagu..baca buku(sekerat jalan) tdo balik and bangun at 8.10pm. Bosan maut la. Tapi dah hidup camni...cool je la. Tak sabar nak finals plak rasanya. Nak enjoy diri main game..melayan karenah kucing kucing yang aku sayang sgt. 

Mase dua malam lepas, tengah melayan lagu jiwang jiwang nie..timbul la rasa nak pilih lagu apa untuk wedding night ..lagu tema love birds la konon. Hahaha.Pastu melaratla kan. Knowing myself, daya imaginasi yang tinggi and then berfantasy la pulak. Sekarang nie rancangan hidup amat keliru sekali. Tapi aku kena maintain..Segala apa pun, rasa semangat kena ada. 

____

Kinda sad looking at my own personal life right now. Well, what else to do. Hopes falling and happiness yet to be found. It sounds like the thing is there, but nothing comes to clear things out. All i can do, as usual, hope and keep on hoping. 

As like what my friends said, "kenapa korang main tarik tali"...well, its about ego i guess. But there is a clear point from that person that happened to me right now. Myself becoming immune to love. To trust the new nor the past. Both brings pain and heart break.

A fierce storm in my life on this matter. I believe that, time will tells. I dunno where and when. Everything doing well with friends and family ...my cats and my brothers. I'm breathing smoothly and currently feeling lonely. I'm hanging on every words you are saying. So its alright with me.

I tanak serabutkan, rosak, hina or musnah what u ada. I can feel ur sadness and pain. So, forgive me when at times i have to avoid it. You know why la kan. There's no hope anymore, but i will keep on believing my dream untill the day i hear the most painful words and day. Thank you very much for listening.

speaking without a sound

azreel feiza

Nothing Else To Find

Salam semua,

Just got back from lepak with friends. Lepak mkn and bercerita la situasi sebenar la kan. Diskusi di lanjut sehingga cerita cinta lama la hingga ke future plan. Sebelum itu, kami melayan musik memerhati adik adik kecil ke gig yang pergh poser sangat.

Today, kepuasan aku di tahap memuaskan. Hasil Kerja sebagai penangkap gambar berjaya dan mendapat pujian dari beberapa pihak. Hasil gambar disulitkan buat sementara kerana pihak mereka tidak ingin berlaku kebocoran rahsia projek masing-masing. Lagi pun aku takde copy kot.

Aku teruskan usaha menceriakan diri aku nie dengan keluar dengan kawan-kawan yg senasib kot la kan. 

Pagi tadi test Intercultural Communication boleh di anggap okay je la. Kalau dah yang lain tiru...aku pun ambik masa dekat 20 minit..fikir..nak tiru tanak..So keputusan..tiru je la. Rugi..nanti senang dapat nama yang lain ke ape ke kan.

Nak share denga anda semua, Ada satu tempat makan nie, MAMAK..modern tapi biasa je. Aku suka Roti Daging dier dan air juice je..yang lain blum try lagi. Nama Tempat Sri murni SS2, Petaling Jaya.

The Juices.....sedap...ada laici, buah honey dew and nata de coco lagi

Ini la Roti Daging

Terima Kasih kampungboycitygal(4 the pictures)

For the day that something really special might come.

A New Version of The Past

Aku sepatutnya kena siapkan 'Kritikan Artikel' nie..tapi tak terbuat. Something else is in my mind. Betul kata dier, i think to much. Sekarang ini, Selamat datang ke laman blog yang baru. yang lama itu sudah di tamatkan khidmat bermula 15 April yang lalu sebenarnya. 

Isu yang akan di kongsi akan jadi sama tapi tidak sepenuhnya. Pening gak kepala. Asyik cakap benda sama je bosan la!

Next week aku punya finals dah nak start..so long so long..then baru aku update la okay!!

heart all of you!